It is easy to get used to the massive amounts of information we have available “at one click” of a distance. Perhaps it is fair to say that nowadays, the “knowledge problem” has been solved. We can just ask our AI of preference, and within a few seconds, we have a fully personalized all-knowing teacher right in our pocket explaining concepts that in the past were limited to a $20k Bachelor’s Degree.
But in this world, nothing is perfect. When a problem gets solved, a new problem arises. As we said before, access to knowledge isn’t a problem nowadays, but filtering out all the noise in the search for the right knowledge is.
So, the natural question arises: with all the knowledge available to us (books, courses, degrees, videos, podcasts, and our intimate counselor, ChatGPT), how can we keep what is actually useful to us, and disregard everything else while not losing our minds in the process?
In this article I’ll try to answer that question by using my personal experience exploring this realm.
Before starting to vomit everything I have to say about the topic, I believe it is crucial for us to get acquainted first (at least, stating the relevant information about me for this article to be valuable to you). I mean, why would you bother to continue reading this without believing that whatever I have to say is of some value to you?
I’m Juanjo Hurtado, a 23-year old male guy living in Mexico. I’ve been into tech basically my entire life. I’ve been embracing a professional career in software for the last 4 years by working in an AI company for almost 4 years, running my own software business for 3 years, and embracing other software-related projects with other amazing people I admire. So, we can say I know something around technology & AI.
A usual day in my life often involves ~2 h of podcast consumption, ~1 h of YouTube videos consumption, and ~2 h of books. I’ve been doing so for more than 2 years now. So, even though I know a lot of people who consume way more content than I do, or have been doing so for way more years than I have alive, we can say that I’m fairly familiarized with the vast ocean of never-ending content that easily overwhelms anyone.
In that tone, I’m aware that if we try to answer the initial question in a broad fashion, we could easily get lost. Not even mentioning that despite my background, it would be very arrogant of me to try to propose “the definite solution” to the problem. That is why, I propose limiting my take to simply share a personal experience that I had around this topic just four weeks from now. With the intention that you may find at least something useful. Or at least, entertaining.
To keep things simple & straightforward (I value time greatly), I’ll divide this article in just 3 chapters:
- The Problem: What was the problem that I had.
- The Process: What I did to solve the problem that I had.
- Conclusion & Takeaways: What I learned, and what advice would I give myself if I was back on The Problem phase.
That being said, let’s dive right into it.
Chapter I: The Problem
It is weird talking about my personal life in public.
Anyways, in the past few months I’ve been struggling in the romantic department. Let’s just say that despite not being able to point out what exactly was wrong, I knew that something was off. I felt “stiff” when dating. Like being “performing” somehow. Still, even though I did everything “a good catch” would do on paper (being respectful, a “gentleman”, caring, attentive when listening, validating on my comments, a businessman, deep on conversations, etc.), I found it really hard to connect with my dates. And I usually ended up the same: friendzoned.
If you have read through more of my content, you already know that I’m a development-oriented person. And as a good self-help junkie, of course I ended up asking my dates about “the reasons”. But this is what puzzled me the most, neither of them could point out exactly what was wrong! But their responses were all very similar: “You are a great guy. I mean, you have everything I look for in a romantic partner on paper. But still, I don’t feel the romantic spark.”
Only having these “clues”, I repeatedly found myself behind my keyboard reflecting why on earth, despite apparently doing what I thought at the time a man should do to attract high-value women, I found it really hard to connect with my dates. Sure, I could easily get dates (at least that part I got it right), but all of my deep conversations & Mark Manson’s advice only got me were a few dates, and then getting friendzoned. My solution at the time? Get drunk on business-related content, and tell myself that I just had to keep doing the things I’ve been doing. But the quote,
“Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results”
always was in the back of my mind reminding me that there was a job to be done. Still, the uncertainty was too overwhelming to take the first step.
Then, Ali Abdaal threw me a cold bucket of water on top of me! On his podcast, he said something in the lines of “Let’s suppose you have the goal of earning $1M. But how many books have you read about how to make money?”
While nodding very securely, I was thinking, “Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. Who on earth would try to solve a problem without learning from the people who dedicate their whole life to that particular prob– WAIT A SECOND!”
And like that, a path for a possible answer illuminated in my mind. I knew that I had to consume content related to healthy romantic relationships. Particularly about dating. But where to start? There are infinite types of advice out there. Who am I going to dedicate my most precious asset (time) & possibly affect my future relationships?
And like that, we enter the second chapter.
Chapter II: The Process
Before continuing, I have to acknowledge that I’m standing on the shoulders of giants. I definitely wouldn’t be where I am today if not for being “fathered” by many great men & women whom I’m infinitely grateful.
That being said, I remembered something that someone (from the giants) once told me:
“It is not that you read, but what & how you read.” – perhaps Ryan Holiday
When I heard this, I realized that up to that point in my life, I’ve been consuming content just for the sake of consuming content. I started a day by consuming philosophy, then finances, then relationships, and then parenting advice (because #whyNot?). So, in the awareness of the preciousness of my time, and the importance of being intentional, I made a promise to myself: From now on, I will only consume content that I will apply in the next few days or weeks. If I don’t need it in that time-span, I’m sure it can wait. Since there are more important concepts I need to learn right now.
From that switch in perspective, I asked Dumbledore AI about book recommendations based on my current circumstances. And that way, I leveraged technology to filter out all the noise & kept the gems that I needed at that precise moment of my life. And for the record, I’m not saying that other content is necessarily “trash”. But it simply is knowledge that is not meant for me right now.
P.S. If you don’t want to go through the whole process of building your own Dumbledore AI (even though I highly recommend you to do so), I got you. Here’s a prompt you can give to your AI of preference to get your book recommendations. Just replace the {BOLD TAGS} with your own context:
You are a romantic relationship coach. Please answer accordingly.
I’m a {YOUR AGE}-year old {YOUR SEXUAL PREFERENCES} {YOUR SEX} who’s been struggling with my {YOUR STRUGGLE (be very specific)}. I’ve been consuming {YOUR CONTENT (exclude this if none)}. I really resonate with {YOUR FAVORITE CONTENT}. I would like to {YOUR END-GOAL IN RELATIONSHIPS (be very specific)}.
Part 1: Please ask me further questions so that you understand my position & give me a tailored answer.
Part 2: When you know enough about my circumstance, please give me a list of the 3 books I would find most helpful right now based on who I am, my preferences, and my current romantic circumstance.
Please include the title of the book, the author, and a brief description of what the book is about and how it is related to my current struggle.
For me, this prompt would have look like:
You are a romantic relationship coach. Please answer accordingly.
I’m a 23-year old heterosexual man who’s been struggling with my dating phase. I can easily get first dates. But I get on a couple of dates with them, and I end up being friendzoned due to a “lack of romantic spark”. Also, I don’t enjoy the experience of dating. I frequently feel “stiff” during most of my dates. Like I’m performing. Finally, I tend to give too much too early, and oftentimes find myself uneasy when I’m not dating someone at the moment.
I’ve been consuming mainly Mark Manson’s blogs, podcasts, and YouTube videos. I really resonate with Mark’s “Fuck Yes or No” blog.
I would like to nurture a deep & reciprocal romantic relationship with whom I can love & be loved. To share myself as who I truly am, receive my partner as she truly is, and develop ourselves both as a couple & as individuals. A team.
Part 1: Please ask me further questions so that you understand my position & give me a tailored answer.
Part 2: When you know enough about my circumstance, please give me a list of the 3 books I would find most helpful right now based on who I am, my preferences, and my current romantic circumstance.
Please include the title of the book, the author, and a brief description of what the book is about and how it is related to my current struggle.
After answering the follow-up questions the AI asked me, I simply wrote down the three personalized book recommendations and without thinking twice I bought the three books on Google Play Books (less than $200 MXN each) and began reading the first book.
For the people that find it hard to read: Try audio books! It is great to simply hear the book while exercising, driving, or simply washing the dishes. If you still find excuses (I know you will; because I did too), ask yourself: What is more painful, to read/hear a book that could change your life or your current romantic struggle?
Now that we have the “what you read” part from the quote. Now, let’s talk about the “how you read” part.
For the sake of the article’s length, I won’t get into much detail about the science behind how our brain actually remembers things & all that stuff (if this tickles your curiosity, this Ali Abdaal’s video might be a good starting point). Nevertheless I’ll share with you a great concept about content-consumption: Exploration vs Exploitation.
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Exploration: This type of content consumption is essential when you want to expand your knowledge in a broad manner. Like when you are looking for new business ideas, new ways to enhance your relationship, or just out of mere curiosity. This type of consumption is for another article.
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Exploitation: This type of content consumption is when you know exactly what you need. When you have a clear problem, and you want to solve it. Like wanting to increase sales in your business, learning a new language, or enhancing your dating experience.
Here’s my 3-step exploitation method for how to consume books pragmatically:
- Select the book based on your current life’s needs (what we just discussed earlier in the article).
- After each chapter or each page (depending on the density of the book), stop reading and write on a physical or digital notebook what the chapter/page “told” to you. Basically, how do you interpret whatever was explained in whatever you just read. If you struggle with this, just answer these three questions:
- Do I agree with what was expressed in the chapter/page?
- [if so] How am I living aligned to this chapter/page right now?
- How can I live more aligned to it tomorrow?
- After “exploiting” the chapter/page and extracting action points for your current life, continue reading the next chapter/page. Repeat until finished.
Here’s an important part of the journey! If you finish your first book, and have strong insights that changed your perspective, return to your AI conversation, explain what you just read, what changed in you, and ask for the next book recommendation given your updated circumstances.
In my personal journey, the first book “turned on the lights” of the dark room. Then, I updated my preferences, and the second book struck the hell out of the just lit room. I finally found the answer to the question that neither me, nor the girls I’ve dated could point out. But that is for the Third Chapter to unfold.
P.S. It is crucially important to take action as soon as possible on whatever you are reading. Because even though you may have all the knowledge in the world, there’s no use of it if you don’t act upon it. So, as soon as you feel slightly “ready” to take the first step, TAKE IT! The second step will reveal only when you take the first step.
Chapter III: Conclusion & Takeaways
To wrap things up, I’ll highlight my insights from this journey. Both about my dating problem, and my learning process that I’ll surely use again for future problems (not necessarily related to relationships).
After reading Models by Mark Manson, and No More Mr. Nice Guy by Dr. Robert Glover, I came to the realization that I was turning off the romantic flame with my dates by seeking their validation and losing myself in the process.
In my case, this wasn’t a very “scandalous” event, but a subtle one. Like frequently doing things just to “impress” my pretty date instead of acting out from an authentic desire to do the thing. And in my seeking for validation, I was placing an unnecessary weight on my shoulders for trying to “find the interesting thing to say”, or “have the perfect date”. Both which prevented a joyful experience from happening.
I was wearing a mask so repeatedly that I forgot what my real face looked like. In my unconscious seeking of perfection, I was preventing myself from connecting with my date (since I wasn’t fully authentic), and not allowing my dates to connect with me (because who can connect with a neutral, soulless mask?). I was killing the core of connection due to over-systematization.
For the readers out there who resonate with this, I’ll share with you my current plan: I am now being unapologetically myself all of the time (without suppressing anything). Embracing dates not simply “because she’s beautiful”, but because I actually feel good when talking to her (opposite to brute-forcing the date simply because she’s stunning). And finally, being very polarizing from the beginning. Or in other words, stating my intentions clearly from the moment I met them. This way, I’m filtering-out all the girls who aren’t meant for me right now, and embracing the ones that do more efficiently.
And about the learning process, here’s a summary of how to use the vast information ocean in our favor:
- Identify the Problem: Point-out exactly what you need right now.
- Filter-Out the Noise: Leverage AI to give tailored-recommendations.
- Read: Consume the content in an “exploitation” fashion.
- Act: Actually do the things that make sense to you right now, and repeat until the problem is solved.
So there you have it. A solid plan for how to sail in the vast oceans of the modern informational world we currently live in without losing our minds.
Smooth sailing, fellow sailor! ⛵